My philosophy in a nutshell.

Painful emotions and negative thoughts drain our lives of joy, ease, and happiness. This is what causes us to seek relief or to want to make changes in our life. It is these thoughts and emotions that require a deeper look. What I have found is that as we live our lives things happen to us that are unpleasant and upsetting. We often cannot handle these experiences and as a result we try to get rid of them. We can get rid of them in any number of ways and these tactics are what comprise your defense mechanisms, personality, attachment styles, and general way of relating to the world and in relationships. The techniques you use to avoid pain become your blueprint or template for how to live and relate to the world. We also do something else when we are unable to handle these painful thoughts and emotions: we believe them. When we are unable to successfully avoid them, push them away, undo them, or make it better; we often succumb to believing the nightmare. This is the birthing place of shame. If we are unable to undo painful thoughts, we often have no choice but to believe them. Typically, the more painful or powerful an emotion or thought is the “stickier” they are and the more we believe them. If we were able to handle it and tolerate it, we would not be sucked into believing the painful story.

What you will also find is that there is a voice in your head telling you what you need to avoid in order to be happy. This voice is nothing other than your mind’s way of trying to push away painful experiences it finds overwhelming. What would happen if they weren’t overwhelming anymore? Most trauma therapy actually focuses on just that. Whether it is EMDR, IFS, Equine Therapy, CBT, or DBT; the main goal is to help you hold, allow, and tolerate things that have previously been overwhelming. Why is this so important? It is the only way to let them go. When we feel overwhelmed by emotions or experiences, we do not let them go. We either believe them and continue to suffer or we spend our days trying to make sure those feelings are never again activated. There is another way. When you can see that the painful thoughts and emotions are not true then they cease to be so overwhelming and you become able to tolerate them, allow them, and handle them. When you’re able to handle them, they come up and out. What you are left with is your true nature, your birthright. Who you are before all of the “bad stuff” happened to you. Give me a call and let me help you sort it out. It is my life’s work and passion to walk with people on their journey like others have walked with me on mine.